Well… it seemed like a good idea at the time. After spending globs of the past couple of years e-mailing back and forth with ripsnorter's drummer Jay(Extolling the importance of the Toy Dolls, trading assorted links of interests/savagery, assorted bullshitting/insults, etc), it just made sense that we do an interview. Simple, ain't it? However, when you're dealing with an band as… unique?… as Ripsnorter, there's no such thing as "simple" and soon we were devising a way to involve all four members in our sure-t'be-colorful chat. So, by hook and colorful-coded crook, here you go you fucking ingrates - a long time coming (and transcribing - thanks, Jay!)… 'fradies & mentalmen… I give thee… RIPSNORTER! 1.My introduction to Ripsnorter came from stumbling across some of your reworkings on the ‘98 Misfits tribute FROM HELL THEY CAME. Is this a common experience? JME: Yeah, well, we got pigonholed into horrorpunk so we thought we'd just go with it (laughter). ANDY: It was back before we could play anything, so we played Misfits songs. JME: It was a common interest that brought us all together, so we were like, well we don't have any shit to play, so play Misfits shit. Then the Bible had that 4 Hits from Mars, we were like, let's just submit something and then we were all (sarcastic voice) "aw we were all butt-hurt (laughter) cuz we didn't get on it, then they sent 'em out and we were on it... ANDY: We're all butt-hurt? (laughter) JME: That's kind of what got us together. JAY: Yeah, Jme recruited Andy on guitar - "Hey, you're our guitarist." JME: Yup. And people started all like (high-pitched voice) "Hey, you guys are cool"... JAY: We were "training" Andy in and we didn't have a bassist yet, so we just thought, what - hey this thing this tribute thing is gonna come out so we were like all right screw it so let's just whip out six Misfits songs and break Andy in... JME: And I played... ANDY: You played bass. JME: I was Glenn, and um, somebody else, and you got Doyle (Andy) sonuvabitch (laughter). JAY: You were Bobby. JME: Yeah. Bobby, you're all-right. JAY: Um yeah, I don't know, we did that, what, we did those six songs, those songs got on like thirteen compilations (laughter) JME: And then like... JAY: And then we did another round later in another, whatever, years later and got on like another whatever, three or... JME: So, yes, it's a common occurrence (laughter). JAY: So, yeah. ANDY: Your answer is YES! JAY: Long story short, yes. 2. Were Ripsnorter’s early days spent as a cover band or have you written original material from the get-go? Who were a few of the bands you DID cover (the Misfits aside), what songs and why? JME: Bad Religion, um, oh Amebix... We did Bad religion, we did "Anesthesia" because we couldn't couldn't figure out "Generator", or I couldnt... (laughter). It was a good song, so we did it. "Anesthesia" fuckin' is a good song... ANDY: And we did "Part III". JME: And we did "Part III", number two, Part III. JAY: And we did Amebix, "Arize", right? No, JME: We did uh... JAY: "Spoils of Victory". JME: Yeah, we did "Spoils of Victory" because it's fuckin kinda heavy and we... JAY: Where you goin' Rob? ROB: Hello... JME: Oh, he's on the phone... JAY: Booo... JME: (Loudly) If you listen to "Aftermath" that's kind of our homage to "Death is..." or whatever that song is... JAY: "Death is Imminent" by Broken Bones. JME: Oh, um... ANDY: Amebix (laughter). JME: Yeah, um, that's our homage to the Amebix... JAY: Yeah. JME: Then uh... yeah we did, Broken Bones, we just... people who... like, my main influences on guitar are um, Bones, and I suppose Brian Setzer, so... that's why we did those covers. ANDY: Mine are Jme, cuz (laughter) he made me play guitar. JAY: Hey, you're our guitarist... JME: Oh, I suppose and John Christ. We kind of fudged around w/Danzig songs, but we'd probably never release one. JAY: Oh, we played uh, "Mother" before waaay back. JME: I suppose "Mother" was the first guitar solo I ever learned - Thank you John Christ. JAY: GBH, Ramones, FEAR... ANDY: Rob is just going to have to make up shit for these first couple of ones... ROB: Yeah. ANDY: This pre-dates... ROB: It's naptime. JME: I gotta crawl one through the hoop. JAY: But, we didn't spend our early days as a cover band JME: No. We did both. JAY: We were bringing Andy in and we technically were a cover band, but we had a library of songs we had to teach Andy and then we had a whole munch of new stuff and... there. JME: Yeah, we are... JAY: We were kind of defunct for awhile ahead of... before Andy... and then... JME: We were so ahead of ourselves, we had to catch up (laughter). JAY: So, no - cover band, yes - covers and we're on a buttload of Misfits compilations. ANDY: And this is a common occurrence. JAY: This is a common occurrence. 3. What is “Hypersonic Hardcore Noise Pollution” exactly and what would make me want to experience it rather than, say... The Captain & Tenille? ANDY: What? (laughter). JAY: Because it's bitchin-ass fast hardcore and it's good. JME: It's just, it's just... JAY: We play super-loud, which is Noise Pollution. JME: It's just upbeat and sometimes you need to drive a car upbeat and not not fuckin' sleep. What's your answer Andy? ANDY: I don't know. Jay made that up. JME: Yeah. JAY: I just started using that as a tagline. ANDY: I just kinda... it was on the thing and I was like, ok, it's just one of Jay's deals (shrug) he does that. JME: We used to not know how to dial our guitar sounds, not that we do now, but, so now they sound more like guitars now, earlier they were just like white noise, so, that was Noise Pollution. And plus we turn up to 11. JAY: Thirteen! JME: (laughs). Sweet. ANDY: Jay just kinda comes up with ideas and takes off with them. JME: Without any consent. JAY: Since I do all the design work, nobody has any say. I just show up and say (big voice) This is our new logo! JME: That's why I was "Lead Stud" for like ten years... JAY: What? JME: I was "stud" and not just... JAY: Oh, because I put it down there. JME: Yeah, you put it down... JAY: I know. I'm a weirdo. Right Rob? JME: Alright. ROB: Yup. JME: Why would you want to experience it? (High singing voice) Because it's not light rock. Because, we will not be on the radio (laughter). JAY: We had to call it something. 4. There is a vast difference between your PULSE record and WIPING OUT THE HUMAN RACE. How much of that has to do with the length of time between discs and plain and simple musical maturation? JME: A vas deferens? Well, I'd say uh, I think "Pulse" is a solid release, it suffers from, it was our first DIY thing. And now we DIY it much better (laughter). It's just experience getting fucking shit on tape. JAY: We, we didn't have Rob on bass. Are you going to say stuff Rob? ROB: Ah, not for now. JAY: Ok. "Pulse" ended uyp being a rushed project. JME: Some douchebag was trying to get us to Europe and I bought it, so we thought we'd get a CD out and get a free trip to Europe and that guy ended up wanting to get CDs replicated for an advance order - if I could remember that guys name, I'd dis him right now, but, we'll just call him "douche". JAY: "Pulse" was just totally rushed and the mastering ended up just... JME: And we were NOT going to do that again for "Wiping Out the Human Race", that's why it took us three years to record. I think we recorded it four times, right? JAY: Three. JME: Three times? ANDY: Yeah. JAY: I recorded it twice, I don't know why it took you guys three times. But yeah, the first, the initial... JME: No, you recorded it three times. ROB: Yeah. Three times. JME: We recorded it twice at my place and once at Adams. JAY: We did it twice? ROB: Yeah, twice at Jme's. JME: We started from scratch, because we actually thought we could do it better, we did do it better because we didn't do it on Wednesdays, we did it on a weekend. Time is... JAY: Oh, that's right, we did start the whole thing over. JME: It was kind of... JAY: Jeezus, so we did do it three times... I thought we reused the drum track. JME: But we all did become more competent with our instruments. And Rob was already a player. JAY: No kidding. Rob was like, this is how you play bass (do do do do do) - (high pitched vioce) metal guitar! And then uh, yeah, we just... we I don't know. By, by the time it took us the third time recording, we had been playing these songs for so long, we just freakin'... JME: Right, I think Rob's the only reason we got a disc. JAY: He ended up saving the whole thing, I guess we'll keep him around a little longer. ROB: At least 'til the next one (laughter). JME: We just yeah, we just knew how to do it better, and we didn't try to save money. It just turned out better. JAY: We didn't rush it. JME: We got it professionally mastered too, not by a crack addict. JAY: Yeah, we did, we went... We just, we took our time, we went through the right channels, we got Rob... ANDY: Another point too, we were going through bass players like nothing, so JME: Yeah. ANDY: And we had Joe for a long time. We had Joe and wrote all the stuff for "Wiping Out the Human Race" and then he quit. JME: So he could follow around the Grateful Dead (laughter). JAY: It was something Andy said. ANDY: It must have been, It's always my fault. JAY: I just have to say that "Pulse" was rushed and "Wiping Out the Human Race" recordings paid off. So, bam. JME: I think they turned out, sonically good. We're much better critics now we don't have to listen to it. JAY: It took Adam how long to mix the damn thing too. He spent weeks just twisting the knobs... which paid off too. JME: So it boils down to us not being anal, then we turned into being anal-penals. JAY: "Pulse" was rushed, "Wiping Out"... er, "Wake the Dead" was rushed, "When There's No More Room in Hell" got put together pretty quickly. JME: "Wiping Out the Human Race" was not by any means rushed, so we're gonna split the difference with the new one. JAY: Yeah, with the stuff for "Pulse" and "Wake the Dead" and all of that stuff, I mean it was like we had written the songs, then we recorded them right away. The songs hadn't matured on their own or anything, we just wrote 'em, recorded 'em, released 'em. ANDY: Longest... interview... EVER... JAY: This is going to take me forever to transcribe. ANDY: Now you know my pain for working at Battle Helm. JAY: No shit. Rewind... play... rewind... JME: WHAT? the F? At least Dave Brokie would be like "diarrhea cha cha cha, diarrhea cha cha cha". And the question was like... ANDY: He was more interested in getting me drunk on their tour bus. JAY: He wanted to get you in your paaaants... JME: He wanted to get Andy in the pants. 5. Will there be such a long gap before the next Ripsnorter record and, more importantly, will the difference in sound be as extreme once again? JME: Nope and nope. That was easy, next. JAY: Yup, it's going to sound how it's going to sound. We have so much... JME: Well, we're going to get more rockers on this one. It's going to be more of a mixed bag... well, everythings a mixed bag - eat a dick! (laughter). ROB: It'll be fresh for everyone. JME: And there's probably going to be more energy on this one because we haven't played these songs for two years. JAY: Some of the stuff... JME: Heh, the next thing will probably be super-played-rushed, the performance on it is going to be rushed. Cuz we're going to be like (hick voice) woo-hoo, let's hear it! Wow, that's really fast and sucks - let's record it again... JAY: We just have all those older songs and we have so many new ones, we have so much volume of stuff we can just take off... JME: So, just to make up for... JAY: ... in any direction we want. JME: To make up for the time between the last two full-length CDs, we'll just record two CD's right away now. JAY: There you go. We just have to figure out which direction we're going and... JME: And have some label, Epitaph, pay for it, so we'll have fast-mix records? (laughs). 6.Pick a member of Ripsnorter other than yourself and answer the following questions about them: (let the character assassination begin!) 6a. What is ________’s favorite band? ROB: Metal. JME: Rob - DRI or SOD. JAY: Andy's is Pennywise and Bad Religion... Misfits and... Steve Perry (laughter). JME: (To Andy) Do you like Anti-Flag? ANDY: They didn't ask for your four favorite things. JME: Jay's is... JAY: (grabs his crotch) JME: Balzac (laughter). 6b.What is ________’s favorite song? ANDY: "Drool on My Cock" by Rev. Pokey Bunge. JME: Mine's the new one we're writing. JAY: God... JME: I don't like character assassination... ROB: "Hammer Smashed Face" - Cannibal Corpse. ANDY: "News from the Front" - Bad Religion JME: That' a good one. That's the one we were going to cover, right? JAY: But it's too complicated for us? JME: No, we were just listening to is and thought we'd cover it. JAY: Favorite song? That sucks. My favorite song from us is "Living Hell". Misfits is "20 Eyes" or "Nike", Balzac is "Into the Light of the 13 Dark Night"... JME: "Slaughterhouse". ANDY: I'd say any one that goes (whiny voice) "Goooooooo!" JAY: That's like all of 'em. JME: What's that AFI song that's saying like (high/old voice) "you're drowning under the sea..."? It's like song two on "Sing the Sorrow". ANDY: I don't know any of the names. JME: It's like some latin bullshit... vegan muffin! 6c. Who is the single biggest influence on ________’s life? ANDY: Me. JAY: Ditto. JME: My name here. ROB: Metal. 6d. What makes ________ cry? JAY: Getting stabbed in the FACE! (laughter). Getting head-butted in the face didn't make me cry, so I think it would take someone stabbing me in the face. JME: Death of someone close... ROB: Running out of beer (laughter). ANDY: I don't cry. I see too much horrific shit as it is. JAY: Andy dosn't cry, he saves lives. 6e.What, other than this interview, makes _________ fly off the fucking handle and go on a three-day bender of guava juice, Absolut, Twinkies, hollandaise sauce and extreme violence? JME; Waking up in the morning and taking in an in breath... watching those gas prices nnnn... guava! JAY: Driving just sucks. There are so many morons out there, uh, oooh, aaahhh!! Hollandiase sauce! JME: Drill more oil wells, fuck the emu, er, uh caribou. ANDY: Winter. NOOOOO (laughter)! JAY: Yeah, when you walk outside, it's so cold you yell "NOOOO"!!! ANDY: That is cold. JME: There is major shrinkage... ROB:Yuh. JAY: Rob's answers can all be metal or beer. 7. If I visited Minneapolis and wanted to hear a band other than Ripsnorter or Impaler, would I be shit out of luck? JME: Yup (laughter)! This is the land of 10,000 lakes and there's 10 bands for each one of 'em. JAY: Land of 10,000 bands. ANDY: Dillinger Four is good... JME: There's a flavor for every palette. ANDY: There's the crazy metal band called Glutton 4 Punishment that's gong to start storming out of the gates... ROB: As soon as Jay starts singing for us (laughter). JAY: So, it's all up to me, huh? ROB: Yup. JAY: No, the whole horrorpunk... JME: Yeah, if you want horrorpunk, yeah you're fucked - no, no, no... (snaps fingers) the Reanimated. JAY: Otherwise, you'll have to go to South Dakota, no, Iowa for Albino Spiders. ANDY: What about the Virgin Whores? JME: They're not horror, but they rock. JAY: It doesn't have to be horror. JME: There's bands. Bands, bands, bands. 8. A sold-out show in Minneapolis and the band doesn’t turn up. Does the crowd notice? ANDY: What's a crowd? JME: If there's a sold out show in Minneapolis? JAY: If it's the Exploited, people notice. ANDY: You'll need Britney Spears to come to town for anything to sell out here. Nobody goes to shows like they used to anymore. JAY: A lot of bands skip this town because it's such a bitch for bands to get booked at here. JME: Go to St. Cloud or go to the outskirts and there's a fucking show you'll find. Everyone's at critical mass with rock, so shows are just kind of give or take 'em. JAY: Hit and miss. It depends on the venue, it depends on the lineup, it depends on the night, promotion... JME: It depends on the liquor distributor. JAY: It depends if Rob's there, or if he's on his bender, missing beer, crying... listening to metal the whole time. ANDY: Killing for Jesus. 9. What’s the smallest crowd you’ve ever played to? JAY: You're looking at it. ROB: The Red Sea. ANDY: One. ROB: One. And I brought her. JME: Yeah, cuz they made us start like... early. JAY: Well, then people filed in. ROB: Like a few songs in. JAY: Well, they all show up, but they're all outside because nobody can freakin' smoke inside anymore. Yeah, they'd come in between 'smoke breaks' (laughter). ANDY: Yeah, we had a total of five at one time... but mostly one. ROB: Yeah. ANDY: She dug it. JAY: She has to, she's grandfathered in. She's obligated to like it. As long as we keep writing stuff like 'Overload', we'll have Jess. 10. So I finally spring for airfare and turn up at a “typical” Ripsnorter gig... what’s likely to happen that particular evening? JME: You will be disappointed (laughter). You will be ripped-off and he'll want his money back. ROB: A lot of stickers and buttons from Jay (laughter). Jme will be running around talking to all of the cool people and me and Andy will be at the corner of the bar drinking by ourselves. ANDY: Pretty much. JAY: We'd definitely keep you company. JME: Yeah. JAY: We'd figure out we'd have to play in five minutes and then we'd hurry up and set up and then we'd play and then tear down and then we'd hang out all night... JME: Then we'd throw another shrimp on the Barby. Jay: More buttons and stickers (laughter). ANDY: Get really drunk and wake up violated in a van in the middle of a field somewhere... JAY: But it wasn't us! JME: Then he'd get back home and MySpace us and we'd MySpace back and forth and he'd turn into a Klingon and get all clingy (high-pitched voice) hey guys, I miss you, can I come over and see another gig? JAY: If you caught us on a night we hadn't practiced in four months, you'd probably be a little disappointed... JME: People would be all (high-pitched voice) Yeah, that's all right... ROB: That's when we play the best shows. ANDY: Some of them, yeah. JAY: If it's a good show, then it kicks ass, if it's not, then it's not. Because we kick ass. We kick ass when we kick ass and when we suck, we kick ass at sucking (laughter). JME: When we're on, we kick ass. JAY: Yeah, there's a TON of energy, you just get assaulted out there in the crowd, but at the same time, whenever we don't play a solid show, we just freakin' roll with it and it still goes off well. 11. Where and when did the Funniest Fucking Ripsnorter Gig Ever take place and what made it so? ANDY: I know what I'm thinking of. JAY: What? ANDY: Jme losing his voice. JME: Aw, man, THAT wasn't funny. JAY: Oh, that was tragic... (laughter) oh, god, no... JME: Ok, here's the story, our first show with Graves with Michale and Chud when we first met them guys, we had played a show at the Quest, like a Halloween gig and it went really fuckin' well, and I was sick. So I thought vodka and orange juice is kind of like cough syrup (laughter). It has vitamin C and orange drink has no nutritional value so I just thought I'd drink, like all of it. And then uh... ANDY: Yes, please. JME: I remember on the ride home I threw up in my mouth (laughter) and I had to hold it in my mouth so that nobody knew I threw up, and then they (Graves and Co.) kept asking me questions, and I'd just mmm. mmmm hmmm. I just answered with hmmmm's. JAY: Why didn't you just barf? JME: I barfed in my mouth... JAY: Well, yeah, but... JME: We were driving down the highway. As soon as we pulled into my driveway, I just pfffffft. Ok, nite! Then I went in and threw up the rest of the night and then I - so our show withe Graves the next day, I'm like (puberty voice sounds) (laughter). So then I'm chugging Gatorade, all day just going fuck, I'm fuckin' poisoned. I need to pull this, so we play our first fuckin' song and the first thing out of my mouth is aw, fuck it, a pre-pubescent bark (laughter). And this is to an all-ages crowd and then, uh, the thing first thing I said after my first "vocal" was clear and loud: AW FUCK IT! (laughter) So it was like (puberty bark - shaky oooaaaoahh!) I think we were opening with 'Aftermath' or something and aw, it was horrible, but it was kind of funny. We probably looked like douche bags. JAY: Yeah, when you think of it that way, it's always a good story. JME: But then we, ok, we played with them at the Quest and it more than made up for it. JAY: I just knew we were doomed, Andy walks up to me with Jme right next to him and he goes, what did you say? ANDY: I got bad news. JAY: We're going on in like ten minutes and he goes, Jay, YOU'RE singing tonight! (laughter). And I was just like, WHAT? JME: Yeah, we went on for like three songs and apologized and got off. That was just pathetic. Well, now how about something that's funny? That one hurts (laughter). I go to my happy place when I think about that show. JAY: Actually, one of the funniest things I've seen was that acoustic show Rob and you (Jme) played. I didn't play that one and I got to be in the audience and Jme turned it into like a freakin' comedy act and I was just freakin' rolling the entire time. It was awesome, because normally we're up there bantering half the time and cracking jokes in between stuff as it is anyway, but is was just funny being in the audience for a change. JME: Yeah, Stephen Lynch, eat your heart out. JAY: That was funny, plus it was just plain weird seeing Ripsnorter play acoustic. That was just way to surreal and weird. JME: That's like farting in church or a turd in the punch bowl. JAY: Oh, the time when Andy almost... ANDY: HA! JAY: Yeah, we were playing the Turf Club and the stage almost fell apart. Andy was doing this big freakin' jump and this (gesturing) huge, like, quadrant of stage just unseats the entire thing and Andy nearly falls off... was that the same night you did the guitar thing? ANDY: Yup. JAY: We were playing, ah, was it 'Flipside of Reality' or something? Anyway, Andy's freakin' hacking the song so bad, he quit playing and held his guitar by the neck as far away from himself as he could (laughter). JME: Like a stinky sock. JAY: (laughing) He just fessed up and was like, NOPE! That was awesome, god... then there was that chick juggling machetes that time... some girl showed up and just started juggling machetes in front of us, that wasn't funny, that was just... ANDY: That was at the Turf Club too, we should not play there anymore. JME: Right, or even the last time we played with Graves, Rob couldn't remember 'War at Home', so he just left the stage and left his bass (laughter). Yeah, that was kind of funny. ANDY: And I was singing, because my guitar broke (laughter). JAY: That's right! (more laughter). JME: Then someone said, well, I just have to compliment you on your, you guys kept it professional and real throughout your whole set, even with members leaving (laughter). JAY: Oh, oh, oh... all the car accidents and shite. JME: Fuck yeah. That was... ANDY: Dude, we saw one last week. JAY: I KNOW! We was a car fire on the way back last week. That was bad. JME: Aw, yeah, that car dripping fire, that's right. JAY: You saw that too? JME: I was on the phone with my buddy and I was like, dude, there's a car on fire right here. JAY: (High voice) Oh my god! JME: Everyone was pulling out saying 'get out of the car', because the guy was still in there... JAY: The guy was in it? JME: The guy was trying to start it. JAY: Wow, we didn't see the guy. What an idiot. JME: The fire is dripping, I'm like, that guy is fuckin' toast. So, yeah, we see a lot and are in a lot of car accidents. JAY: We kind of, um, had these series of unfortunate events where... JME: Yeah, fuckin' Broken Bones... (that's what Jme was listening to at the time of the accident). JAY: Where EVERY single time we went to a gig, we'd see a car accident. Every time without fail, before or after, we'd see a freakin' accident. And then we were on our way to the Turf Club, on our way to a gig again and Jme gets freakin' T-Boned in an intersection. JME: Yup. I didn't have a valid drivers license at the time, so... ROB: Or when we're recording, Jay likes to get hit by drunk people. JME: Oh yeah. JAY: Yeah, I got tagged. JME: Yeah, then you guys didn't know if I was going to make it to the show, so you guys got... JAY: That Grumpy's is cursed too... JME: So you guys got drunk. You guys were drinking the Morgan Cokes. JAY: Rob and Andy had written Jme off - he's going to jail. JME: So I finally show up to the gig, I don't say anything, I just say 'Four please'. Four Morgan Cokes. Rob and Andy were like, DUDE! So we all got really fucked up... JAY: Andy and Rob were half in the bag... JME: The first three songs sucked and then we had a band meeting on stage, we were all, c'mere, c'mere, c'mere, ok, we're going to hit it. I said, sorry, I got into a car accident and the rest of the set was really tight. JAY: Yeah. Once we explained our case, it went smooth. ANDY: I was so drunk, I barely remember the show (laughter). JME: So yeah, that's kind of funny too. JAY: And then we started seeing car fires... JME: So we definitely need a management specialist to kind of point us in directions. JAY: We need an exorcist! (laughter). JME: Or some chicken bones... JAY: And any time we're near Grumpy's, one of us gets in a car accident too. I got rear-ended, Andy ran into Grumpy's (laughter). His car broke and ran into Grumpy's. JME: On Washington, yeah. And on the phone you were like 'Howyadion?'. I'm finishing up work. What are you doing? I'm at Grumpy's having one drink... after another (laughter). JAY: When I got tagged, we were recording 'Wiping Out the Human Race' and Rob had to go to a game and Andy was going to drive him, but Andy said, nope, that's by Grumpy's, I'm not going, Jay, you go. I dropped him off and on the way back, I got freakin' rear-ended (laughter), the curse continues, Andy tagged me out on the curse (laughter). I come back - how'd it go man? Yeah Andy, THANKS man! (laughter). I got 1300 bucks in insurance tho. JME: Yeaaaaa! JAY: Is that enough funny stuff? ALL: Yeah. 12. If you could creatively dispatch of one “Full House” character, who would you choose and how would you get the deed done? ROB: Can we move on? JAY: I'd say Bob Sagatt, not that I have anything personal against him, but I'd put him in one of his home funniest videos and... JME: And have him hit in the balls (high voice) oooooooooh! ANDY: I'd feed the Olson twins to giant spiders. JAY: (Singing) Spiders getting larger. Would the spiders even notice tho? JME: 'Earth vs. The Spider' is my favorite Michale Graves song. I'd listen to that while the twins would get... JAY: That would be your soundtrack to the Olson twins... JME: Getting eaten by a spider! While... writing me a check (laughter). But then they'd die before they'd sign it, so it'd be worthless... JAY: Aw crap. (ringing - Jme's cell - a kung-fu movie plays). JAY: Does that phone shoot lasers too? JME: No, but it plays a techno-beat (jugga jugga jugga jugga). JAY: Somebody scream! JME: Do you have a techno-beat on your phone? ANDY: No, I don't. JME: Huh, send me a text message. (more techno sounds from everyone). 13. Okay, Misfits fans that you so-obviously are: You’re the grand-prize winner on WFUX’s “Daiquiris With Danzig” contest, one of the privileges being you get to pick the five-song setlist for the Doyle/Misfits portion of that night’s set. What do you choose to hear? JME: Um, 'Dig Up Her Bones' (big laughter). JAY: First of all, I'd walk up on the stage and kick the drummer in the jimmy and I'd go TWENTY EUES BURNING RED! 1 2 3 4! Martian, Ghouls Night Out, Nike, and um... JME: And the new Doyle/Dangiz song 'Don't punch me in the jaw' (laughter). JAY: Ha! That's right. JME: Don't punch me in the face! ANDY: Ratt Fink. That song sucks. (Sarcastically singing) R. R A T. R A T T... JAY: A N D Y. JME: I'd probably want to hear 'Hatebreeders'. JME & ANDY: (singing) Hatebreeders woah. JME: Astro Zombies. JAY: Oh, Astro Zombies. JME: Probably Skulls and Martian because that kinda got us on the map. JAY: (deep voice) Skulls. Static Age. JME: All Hell Breaks Loose or something like that. JAY: Rob would want 'Head on a Plate' by Cannibal Corpse. 'March of the S.O.D.' (laughter). 'Fist Banging Mania'. ROB: We should still cover that. JAY: 'Fist Banging Mania'? ROB: 'March of the S.O.D.' ALL: (singing) Da na, jug jug, da na, jug jug, da na, jug jug, da naaa... 14. Okay, the question every interviewee gets cornholed with: What’re your five favorite horror films and why? ROB: Sleepless in Seattle (laughter). You Got Mail (laughter). JME: Ah, so anything with Meg Ryan? ROB: Yeah, exactly. JAY: The entire Meg Ryan catalog? ROB: Yup. ANDY: The Meg Ryan anthology (growling noise). JAY: Almost like the Aliens Quintology. JME: Is it? JAY: It's horrific, aaah! JME: I love ah, Silent Night Deadly Night. I think that's when I got my crush on Linnea Quigly. Jason Trioxin has that fuckin' Trash tattoo and I was like, shit, I should get one too, but people might think we're dating (laughter). Yeah, so Silent Night Deadly Night, fuckin' Return of the Living Dead boo-yah. Not sure if Silent Night Deadly Night is on DVD, but I keep missing Return of the Living Dead. I'm kinda going through an '80's horror flick, but nothing really sticks out. JAY: Are you kidding me? John Carpenter's The Thing, Halloween... JME: That's '70's. JAY: Well, John Carpenter. JME: I like Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter, that's what I grew up to. JAY: Oh my god. I'd agree with Return of the Living Dead though. JME: Yeah. How many did I list? JAY: John Carpenter just had it going on. JME: Yeah, the Thing, that's one I keep frequenting. I frequent Halloween, The Thing, Return of the Living Dead, the remake of Dawn of the Dead is fuckin' awesome. JAY: Dawn of the Dead, the original is just classic, you just can't touch it. ANDY: Yeah, I think I've seen the remake about fifteen times and it's still not old. JME: The first time you saw Dawn of the Dead, you got freaked out, weren't you? (laughter) You were in your apartment and you were like (whining/crying) eeeeh, heeeh, turn the lights on (laughter). JAY: The original one? ANDY: Yeah. JAY: When did you see that? ANDY: When I moved to Richfield. I borrowed it from Jme. JAY: You had never seen it? ANDY: No. JAY: Oh my god. Didn't know that. ANDY: I had seen all of the other ones, I just never saw that one. JAY: And I was talking to you? ANDY: Jme gave it to me and Rachel was like out of town or something and I was just there by myself watching it at night (laughter) and about halfway through, I got all noided out (laughter) turned the lights on... JAY: Aah! The blue zombies are coming to get me! (laughter). Oh, speaking of which, I got Dawn of the Dead buttons that I made too. Ah, but yeah, let's see... JME: Ah, right on... ah, I'm trying to think of number five... something I just keep going back to, those comfort movies... JAY: The Thing, Halloween, Return of the Living Dead... JME: Dawn of the Dead-ish, whichever one. JAY: Yeah, that's way up there... ah... JME: Hell Night's a good movie. The Linda Blair one, er, the Excorcist is kind of creepy. JAY: Yeah, that' s a good classic. JME: I just can't stay up for that one. Slow mover. (posessed voice) Fuck me. ANDY: Ah... JME: I've got to say Army of Darkness. JAY: OH! Evil Dead! Jeezus. JME: Evil Dead sums it up. ANDY: Night of the Living Dead, Return of the Living Dead, Evil Dead II, Dawn of the Dead remake and The Thing. JAY: Rob! ROB: Meg Ryan. 15. The second “standard” query: What is the very first horror flick you can remember viewing and your memories surrounding the hallowed event? JME: Ok, I know this. JAY: Jaws. JME: Was that the first one? JAY: Well, I don't know. That's the first one I remember. JME: When did we live in Texas? No, Jaws was out before that. Yeah, we went to the theater for Jaws and then we couldn't go in the pool. JAY: Yes. JME: (old kid voice) I'm not going swimming! JAY: Are you fucking crazy? There's sharks in hmeah! JME: Cuz, I was five when dad took us to Jaws and that was pretty traumatic. I was thinking like (gesturing with spooky hands ) HORROR movie, not like Summer blockbuster. JAY: Giant sharks eating fucking people is horrifying when you're five (laughter). JME: Our older sister was upstairs watching Dawn of the Dead on tapes when they started renting them out... JAY: Yeah, Betamax tapes. JME: Yeah, Betamax, and I kept sneaking up to watch it and (high-pitched voice) you can't watch this, you're too young. So whenever Dawn of the Dead came out on video. JAY: They had a double-feature of Dawn of the Dead and one of the Friday the 13th's. JME: Right. And then I sat and watched, I think that my first horror movie to sit and watch was Friday the 13th part II and then I had nightmares. Or else a baby sitter took me to Happy Birthday to Me and I had nightmares. You try to sleep under your blankets and it gets too fucking hot from breathing (laughter) and you're like FUCK! JAY: Remember when mom and dad were out on St. Patrick's day and... JME: And we were watching... Happy... JAY: Yeah, Happy Birthday to Me, and then the power went out right at the end? JME: Yeah, our neighbors power was on, so we thought someone was in the basement and we all freaked out. JAY: Our sister started freaking out and screaming - yeah good babysitter. (high-pitched voice and flailing around) AAAH! Oh my god! There's someone in the house! Run! AAAAH! And we looked in the front and backyard and the neighbors lights were on and it ended up that some drunk hit the telephone pole down the street and knocked the power out in our little area. ANDY: Mine was wither Night of the Living Dead or Poltergeist. JME: Yeah, Poltergeist, that was with our cousins. JAY: I remember seeing that in the theater a lot. JME: We just rented that recently and the guy ripping his face off looks really poor. JAY: That's got to go in my all time favorite horror movie list too. JME: Yeah, in the top ten list. And plus like Tobey Hooper, I mean, Texas Chainsaw II is like... JAY: (laughs). JME: Back when Midnight Madness was good. That was like, holy shit. ANDY: Chainsaw II? JAY: We saw so much stuff on like those Sunday Movie Matinees too. They had like old Godzilla movies and Blob and stuff like that. ROB: House. JME: Oh, yeah, I tried to sit through that movie recently, and I couldn't do it. It was so... abstract. There's not flow to it. ROB: My mom had a friend she used to hand out with who had an older kid who had all of those horror movies and shit, so I'd have to sit around hang out and watch 'em. They'd be in the kitchen getting drunk. House is one of the first ones I remember watching. That one's just pretty fucking funny. ANDY: Yeah (Andy's phone rings not as flamboyantly as Jme's). 16. “Ooooookay, we’re almost done here,” said the dentist with the giant syringe as he fiddled with his fly... If you could spend the next 24 hours as a “classic” movie monster, who would you want to be and how would spend your day? ANDY: I would be Godzilla. JAY: I was going to say that! ANDY: Smash everything up. JAY: And break shit (laughter). How often can you be a giant lizard and level buildings in one fell swoop and laser fire breath? Hey, we could battle! ROAR! ANDY: Yeah we could. JAY: We could throw buildings at eachother. ANDY: You could be Mecha Godzilla. JAY: Why would I have to be Mecha Godzilla? ANDY: Because I'm Godzilla! JAY: Aaaahhh. Godzirra. You could be Godzilla 2000. JME: I'd be the Creature from the Black Lagoon and I'd spend my day playing the new King Kong game on XboX (laughter). That's a two-fer. ROB: Meg Ryan (laughter). JAY: Ok, what would you spend your day doing? ROB: Not faking that orgasm (groans and laughter). JME: I've got to say, Michale Graves has a song for a lot of things. JAY: Not about Meg Ryan though. JME: (singing to Michale Grave's 'Godzilla') Meg Ryan killed my Mothra (laughter) JAY: (continues singing) Fake orgasm, it's me Meg Ryan (dying laughter). Ok, so that's two Gozillas, one Creature From the Black Lagoon playing XboX and a Meg Ryan combo platter to go. 17. What’d I forget? (closing thoughts, etc.) JME: I got nothin'. I'm tapped from all of the questions. ANDY: We don't take ourselves very seriously, but still try and write write pretty good music hopefully and people like it and uh, fuck Clear Channel (laughter). JME: We flirt with a lot of different styles, but we don't commit. JME: And Brett fro Epitaph, sign us and you still owe me an Elvis impersonation. Jme goes on to explain his story regarding Brett and Epitaph and the conversation degrades to how bad the movie 'Undead' was and they start listening to a live CD of their last show (mentioned earlier in the interview) that Rob finally brought to the studio and talking about some new songs they're working on and continue to talk over each other...